Jen's Ramblings
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>>>>> A Few Words from the Website Girl

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>> You Don't Know Me written 02.20.02

So over the weekend I had some time to think and I was thinking about how excited I was for the Vegas show, the fact that it was Wooby's first time in Vegas, sj.com, the message board. I decided that it really really bothered me that there was talk of a "fan hierarchy" on the message board. I tried to make sense of what that term meant and I can't. It's just so negative and complete bullshit.

I also decided that people REALLY don't know me, even though some of yall have been "hanging out" with me on the internet for some time. So I thought I may share a little insight to what I thought and my intentions in regards to sj.com

So, I've never really been committed to anything. I was married once and couldn't stay committed in my relationship. I couldn't stay committed to college (never finished), friendships come and go, and even jobs are hard for me to keep interested. I move a lot, like once a year, because I lose interest in the places I live. Yet, even though I find it hard to stay committed to "life" things, I don't find it hard to stay committed to 3eb's music. Now, I don't listen to a 3eb cd every single day and I've never and never will consider myself 3eb's number one fan. If I did listen to 3eb every single day perhaps there would be some kind of burn out factor involved. I love popping in Tattoo of the Sun or Motorcycle Drive By and falling in love all over again. Nothing can describe the feeling. If you've ever been to a 3eb show with me you know I don't just stand there. The live shows really amp me. My love for 3eb's music is indescribable.

I've been really lucky to meet the band. It's never something I take for granted. I wish you all could see the anxiety I feel backstage when the band walks in the room. Suddenly I feel like super space cadet and get all "I'm not worthy" and find it hard to say anything but gush how good the show was and laugh nervously. Then someone will poke me and say "don't forget to ask about such and such!" Each time I've emailed SJ for a Book of the Month it literally takes me 2 hours to type a few sentences. I feel extremely lucky to be able to greet the band on occasion. I'm not friends with the band. I can't call one of them up on the phone and say "let's go out to eat!" or anything I'd consider a friend to be able to do. I'm not in love with any of the band members or want to hop in the sack with any of them. What I have is just admiration.

You don't have to have a 3eb site to meet the band. I can't tell you how many regulars I talk to back stage that don't have a site. Out of all the people in Vegas backstage yesterday, the only ones with sites were me, jo from scp.net and michelle from tf.com. Perhaps none of us would have been there without the website but who knows. I got backstage and met the band a few times in 1998 pre-sj.com. :)

About the site. What are my intentions, do I do the site just for a couple of backstage passes? Hmm, I think not. If you broke down the number of shows I've gone to per year, it's not many. And 3eb haven't been on "full tour" since summer 2000. If I were only doing updates in exchange for perks then I'd only update when 3eb was touring. Don't you think? I don't get paid to do the site. I never ever imagined it would get so many visitors or last this long. You know what drives me? The music, the prospect of new music and emails that say "thanks for keeping me up to date with 3eb because their official site can't even compare to the amount of news and updates you deliver." When someone THANKS you for doing something it makes you proud. I'm so proud of sj.com. I self-taught myself to make websites and I love my purple shrine to 3eb. I love meeting other fanatics like myself, too. I can't tell you how many hotel rooms I've shared with complete strangers in the name of 3eb.

Well, I guess that's all I want to say. I have feelings, you know, and seeing message board posts that talk about fan politics or involve name calling can sometimes bother me (depending on who says it) and ones directed at me sometimes hurt my feelings. If that's what you're aiming for, then great, pat yourself on the back. It's not going to stop me though because for every hater there's a thousand or three who aren't haters. You aren't "slitting the throat" of my confidence. I just know that if I thought someone sucked really bad I wouldn't have anything to do with them. So why do haters stick around and visit stephanjenkins.com? You know? Do me a favor and f* off. It'll save me that much in bandwidth charges. Stank you very much.

Any questions? There will be a test. :X Jen - the outspoken one who ain't going anywhere.